ORE GA WATASHI NI NARU MADE ( UNTIL I BECOME ME )
The mangaka (Hatsuki) originally put out this story just for fun on Twitter and Pixiv, the DOUJINSHI version. Later, when they got a deal to put out several volumes of manga, their publisher gave them a bunch of suggestions for how to improve it for the print version, the MANGA version. Given the two versions of essentially the same story, the best way to appreciate the series is, at least for the first part of the story, to read both versions, because they each offer something interesting. That said, this Wiki will chronicle the MANGA version, under the heading of "Manga Chapters", since it is the more complete and extensive story line. Read the MANGA version first. The DOUJINSHI version can be found under the heading of "Doujin Chapters".
CHAPTER 1 OF THE STORY (Revised English Translation)
THE MANGA VERSION IS FEATURED IN THIS CHAPTER'S STORY
(Chapter Note---The mangaka did not provide titles for any of the chapters. The chapters are only numbered.)
(Story Note---Warning---Toward the end of Chapter 1 there is a description of a scene that features extreme and unusually cruel, explicit bullying by school children. This may be triggering to some people. The beginning of this section will be highlighted with a line of stars ( ********** ). READER DISCRETION IS STRONGLY ADVISED !!!)
Prologue
There was only one word to describe Akira Fujimiya at school---a first class bully ! From the beginning of primary school, to the present day, seven year old Akira took pleasure in downgrading and making fun of the other students. Boys who he thought were beneath his own status were mocked and embarrassed on a regular basis. But his most forceful and demeaning bullying was reserved for the girls in his class. They would receive the most humiliating and outrageous comments and actions that were specifically designed to socially and emotionally torture any and all girls who crossed his path. Not surprisingly, Akira had almost no friends at all. But the few boys who would hang with him were just as bad as he was.
Today is Akira's turn, along with other boys and girls, to clean the classroom after the school day has ended. But does a bully, and their fellow miscreants, really have to help the girls and others to clean ?
This Chapter's Story
" STOP IT !!! " , cries a girl with a broom in her hand and tears in her eyes. She further implores Akira and his boy toadies to please clean properly!
A teacher pokes his head into the classroom to see what all the commotion is about. The teary-eyed girl, Nana Shimazaki, says that Akira Fujimiya and the rest of the delinquent boys don't want to clean the room, but want only to goof around and create chaos. Surprisingly, the male teacher advances the thought that 'boys will be boys', and that being a little naughty is 'no big deal'. This is 'music to his ears', as Akira thinks back to the many times that his Mom would scold him after school, telling him that she heard that he mocked and demeaned the girls again, didn't he ? As soon as the teacher leaves, the boys set up for an impromptu baseball game, over the objections of Nana. It's Akira at bat ( swinging a broom ), with a buck-toothed boy as the pitcher. The same girl pleads with the boys to stop, because certainly this will make the teacher mad. But her earnest efforts are to no avail. The pitch is a fast ball ! He swings ! But he breaks the bat ( the head of the broom is broken off ) ! The girl in exasperation now says that this is what happens when you just play around, and don't listen to what others are telling you. Akira's perverted sense of justice is swift and sure ! He approaches the tearful girl and shouts at her---
" SHUT UP ! YOU'RE JUST A GIRL !!! "
In a flash, he then flips up and holds up Nana's pleated short skirt, showing all in the room that she is wearing little girl style panties that have a rainbow striped print pattern. The girl, completely embarrassed and mortified, breaks into uncontrolled sobs as she sinks down to the floor. Akira's only comment is that it 'servers her right'. The other boys agree. Another girl comes to comfort Nana, her face now all wet, and tears dripping off of her cheeks. The boys leave and retire to the boy's lavatory, where they all relieve themselves at the urinals. One boy points out that Nana Shimazaki was really crying her heart out. The response from one of the other boys is, that if she did not want to end up crying, she should have not gotten involved.
As Akira is walking through the front door of his home, his Mom is talking to someone on the phone. She is telling them that she will be sure and talk to him ! Mom tells Akira that she heard that he did 'something rude' to Nana-chan, didn't he ? Mom scolds by saying if you keep doing things like that, someday FATE will punish you ! And you will have to 'pay the price' ! But is Akira even listening, as he walks past Mom and inconsiderately yawns ?
In a little while Mom checks on Akira, and finds that he is not feeling very well right about now. He is tired, his face is flush and red, and he seems to have developed a sudden fever. She tells him to change out of his dirty clothes, put on his PJ's, and go to bed early. This he does. In his bedroom, Akira thinks about what has happened to him today. He tells himself that 'stupid Nana' caused Mom to end up accusing him. Nana is always complaining about every little thing that he does. She acts so important around her friends, however, she cries at the smallest things. Akira sits in the middle of his bed revelling in one last comment about what happened today---
" I HATE ALL GIRLS !!!!!!! "
Akira lays down and quickly falls into a very bizarre, surreal sleep. Dark. Cold. Deep. Dream-inspired (*). Foreboding. Prophetic!
(*)Sometime during the night, in an ironic paradox, it is almost like Nana and the girls are unconsciously speaking to Akira---
"Want to know how we girls feel by your actions ? Walk a mile in our shoes ? How about walking in our shoes for the rest of your life !!!"
_______________________________________________________________
Akira is finally awakened by the sound of chirping birds outside the bedroom window. He looks up at the window, but his hair is draped across his face. Why ? His straight, black, unkempt hair has somehow grown overnight to shoulder length. As he gets out of bed, he feels strange. After thinking for a moment, he steps out of his pajama pants and looks downward to his crotch---
"It's gone ! IT'S NOT HERE !!! WHERE DID IT GO ????????"
At that moment, Mom opens the bedroom door. She sees Akira is up, but standing with his back to her and naked from the waist down. Mom says that we may go to the hospital if the fever hasn't gone down. Suddenly, it hits her like a ton of bricks---"Why did you take off your pants? Why is your hair long? Are you wearing a wig? Enough of the jokes !!!" Mom turns to walk out the bedroom door.
"MOM !!!!!!!"
Mom again looks at Akira, as he turns to face her---
" WHAT HAPPENED ? DID YOU CUT IT OFF . . . . . . . ??? " , screams Mom !
" NO ! I WOKE UP LIKE THIS . . . . . . . !!! " , Akira screams back at her !
" WE NEED TO CALL AN AMBULANCE . . . . . . !!!! " , Mom continues to scream !
Akira is admitted to the hospital for examinations, tests, and observation. Over the next couple or so days he is given a whole bank of tests and whatnot, under the supervision of a doctor skilled in sex and gender concerns. Sometime during all the procedures, a kind soul combed out Akira's now long, silky, soft black hair and put it up in an attractive ponytail. At the end of all the tests and other procedures, both Mom and Dad, along with Akira, are in a hospital patient's room. The managing doctor comes in and gives his findings---
Diagnosis---"Idiopathic Sex Change Syndrome" - "It is a malady in which the patient abruptly changes biological sex."
Prognosis---"The causes are unknown." - "There is no cure whatsoever !"
Akira's only comment upon hearing what the doctor said is to declare that he doesn't want a ponytail. The doctor then leaves. Dad says that they will get Akira's hair cut later, and that he is also leaving. He tells Akira that he will be back with a clean change of clothes. With Dad gone, Mom takes Akira into the private toilet, and has him take his pants down and sit down on the toilet. She then knees down to face him, and patiently explains how a girl correctly urinates, and then properly cleans herself afterward. Akira's annoyed response is---
" WHY DO I HAVE TO DO THAT ? WHY IS IT BAD IF I DON'T ??? "
Afterward, Mom says that she is going to the store, and does Akira want anything ? " Pudding! " Now alone in the hospital room, Akira thinks again about all that has happened recently. He tells himself that turning into a girl really surprised him, but, recalling a saying from his favorite cable TV program, MANNISH MAN---
" EVEN WHEN THINGS ARE HARSH, BOYS DON'T CRY ! " He thinks to himself that he will be a boy again, right ?
Mom returns with his pudding, and something else for Akira ! Something very special ! A package of girl's panties !!! She opens it and shows the front pair, white panties with an attractive star print pattern, similar to starry constellations. Akira's response is swift and bold---
" I DON'T WANT TO WEAR GIRL'S PANTIES !!! "
Mom's comeback is equally swift and bold--- " YOU'RE A GIRL NOW, SO YOU HAVE TO !!!!!!! "
Just then there is a knock, knock on the door. It is the homeroom teacher. He is bringing a personally signed group letter of well wishes from all the classmates. He says that everyone at school is really worried about him, but he is glad that nothing is changed (really?), except maybe Akira's hairstyle. He urges Akira to return to school soon, okay ? Later that day, the managing doctor and a nurse reappear to announce that Akira is being discharged from the hospital, immediately. Mom thanks the doctor and staff for all that they have done. The doctor ends his visit by saying not to hesitate to return if anything happens.
After a week of recuperation at home, it is the morning that Akira will return to class. Mom calls to him if he is ready? Akira is finishing up on the toilet. He is wearing the star print girl's panties, over which are a boy's dress pants, plus a boy's dress shirt and vest, white anklets and brown loafers. His hair has, indeed, been cut short, but has been styled in an attractive girl's pixie cut, different from the disheveled short hair that he had worn as a boy. Mom says that she will drive him to school today. As a final touch, Mom gives Akira a clean handkerchief, telling him to always carry one at all times to clean yourself if needed. " What a pain ! ", is Akira's reaction. Mom brings Akira to the school's office. She says that she is leaving Akira in the homeroom teacher's care, as there will be many problems that certainly will happen today.
Later that morning before class starts, the homeroom teacher is speaking, as Akira is standing in front of the entire class, silent and only smiling. The teacher, being so obvious, says that as ones can see, "Akira-kun has become a girl". Murmurs, whispers, and chatter break out all over the classroom. The teacher finishes up by saying that he hopes that both boys and girls will make Akira feel welcome. One of the more obnoxious boys, who would always hang with Akira, shouts out---
" Did you really lose your wiener ??? "
This is followed by a round of loud laughter and jeering. The teacher only states that this is enough of the jokes; the class will start now. One of the girls leans over to Nana's desk and asks her what are the girls going to do now about this sudden change of circumstances ?
***************************************************************************************************
During break time, several of the boys want to go to the boy's lavatory. Akira pipes up and says that he will go, too ! However, he is stopped by a group of girls, lead by Nana herself. Nana kicks the confrontation off by saying---
" So you have become a girl ? You sure don't look like one ! But since you have become one of us, do you have anything that you want to say to us ? "
Akira becomes sour and hostile. He says that of course he has nothing to say, and furthermore, he wants nothing to do with any of the girls, and wants all the girls to stay away from him. Nana replies that from now on, no matter what happens, Do not expect any help, from any of the girls for any reason, whatsoever !!! Akira replies saying who needs your help anyway ? So shut up, Ugly !
Akira is the last one to enter the boy's restroom. He sees all the boys that he used to hang with. He tells them that he has missed them. The comeback is, shouldn't Akira be playing with the girls right about now ? After all, you are a girl now, right ? Akira says yeah, but proudly and confidently he says he will return to being a boy again in no time. Another boy states in a mock admiration tone that, so, it is true then, that you did become a girl, after all ? The buck-toothed boy says to show us if it's really true, as he grabs Akira from behind. Akira shakes that boy off, but another, larger boy grabs him from behind and clamps down on Akira with a tight shoulder hold.
" STOP FIGHTING ! " , commands the buck-toothed boy.
" LET ME GO !!! " , Akira screams with a streak of concern rising in his voice !
Akira is wrestled down to the floor in a sitting position, but still held by the shoulder hold. "Hold him down! ", is shouted out ! Two more boys are now at his sides, with the buck-toothed boy unbuckling Akira's pants belt. A fourth boy holds Akira's feet together, and pulls on his pants so that they slide down his legs to his feet. One of the boys on his side pulls Akira's shirt and vest upward, bunching them up around his neck. The boy holding Akira's feet together, reaches up and pulls down the pair of star constellation print girl's white panties that Akira is wearing. The boy that has Akira in the shoulder hold now releases, as Akira's shirt and vest is pulled over his head and off ! At the same time, Akira's pants and loafer shoes are pulled off of his feet.
" S-SS-SSSTTOOOOOOOOPP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! " , Akira screams at the top of his frightened voice !
Akira is now, except for his white anklets ( girl's socks ), and his girl's panties wrapped around one knee, completely naked. The boys gaze at Akira with profound amusement. Whoa, he really has lost his wiener ! He's wearing girl panties ! He really is a girl ! " STOP, he says ", with yet another boy mimicking Akira's plea for mercy. After a round of hearty, full-throat, jocular, and particularly cruel laughter, the boys exit the restroom, leaving Akira sitting on the floor naked, with his clothing scattered all over the floor. The last boy out the door throws off one last vile comment---
" Seeing how much he hates to be seen naked, really makes him a 'dead ringer' for a girl' ! "
Tears well up in Akira's eyes, as his lips begin to quiver uncontrollably. He sniffs in a feeble effort to stop his nose from running. With super-human effort for one so young, he tells himself over and over not to cry. He repeats the mantra numerous times from the TV program---
" EVEN WHEN THINGS ARE HARSH, BOYS DON'T CRY !!! "
Fighting back overwhelming odds of emotional upset and distress, Akira slowly get dressed. Walking out of the boys' restroom with his face wet with tears, he tells himself that he will be a boy again, soon. Therefore, he can't cry !
******************************************************************************************************
That afternoon, Akira's father comes to pick him up after this first day back to school. In the car Dad asks Akira how was going back to school after being absent so long ? Akira only mumbles, " Fine. ". After a long period of silence, Akira states to Dad that he will be a boy again, right ?!? Dad's sharp comeback is that Akira did not listen to anything that the doctor said, did he ? The doctor said that you can't return to being a boy. Therefore, you have no choice but to live the rest of your life as a girl. Akira now turns white as a ghost. Dad says that it does not matter anyway, seeing as how he didn't study, and only wanted to play all the time. In such a meek inner voice, Akira tells himself, " No way ...... I mean, I'm ....... a boy ........ right ?"
_______________________________________________________________
A couple of months have passed since Akira returned to school. The first snowfall of the year has already happened. Outside the school building the lawn is covered with a thick layer of snow. Inside the building, Akira, dressed nicely in his usual boy's shirt and dress pants, is kneeling on the floor of the classroom. He is sorting through several magazines and books. Akira has learned the hard way to keep to himself. The girls still will have nothing to do with him, not even a 'Good Morning' or a 'How are you today' ! And the only contact that he has with the boys is when they insult and verbally abuse him, as well as playing all manor of cruel and vile jokes and pranks on him. Akira is now a complete, absolute loner. Nana peeks in the classroom to see what Akria is doing. However, another girl shouts at Nana, telling her to leave him alone, and let's just go home. Akira tells himself that it is alright; once he turns back to being a boy, everyone will be nice to him again. In a little bit, the homeroom teacher comes by to tell Akira that his mother has come by to pick him up today.
This afternoon, once again Akira and the former "friends" are 'locking horns' in the hallway.
" GIVE IT BACK !!! ", screams Akira. The naughty boys this time have removed his dress shirt, leaving Akira wearing only his undershirt covering his chest. The one boy has knotted it up into a cloth ball, and is tossing it like a basketball.
" If you want it that bad, go get it !!! ", shouts the boy to Akira, as he passes the 'basketball' to the next boy, Kyousuke. " PASS IT " , is shouted to Kyousuke. However, Kyousuke only hands the wadded up shirt back to Akira. Kyousuke is reprimanded by pointing out to him that Akira used to bully him so badly. Akira's only comment to Kyousuke is to 'please give it back'. " You're no fun at all! ", interjects another boy. " Kyousuke must be a girl, too ! ", shouts the buck-toothed boy. Just about the time that Akira has pulled his shirt back on, the homeroom teacher comes by asking what is going on ? The bad boys have all scattered, leaving only Akira to say that it is nothing, we were just playing (!). The teacher, unbelievably, tells Akira not to be causing problems. . . . . . . .
As Akira goes out the front door of the school, he sees several other mothers forcefully arguing with his Mom. As he walks up to the group, he gets a drift of what they are talking about. They are expressing a concern of what would happen if this " transsexual disease " from this one boy infects their children, too ? Another mother states that it is a problem for everyone. A third mom says that she is worried because that " kid " spends so much time with our children in the same classroom. And his reputation is not that good, either. Akira's Mom objects. She says that the condition is not contagious at all. My son, my son is ..............
"Welcome back, Akira! ", mom breaks off and turns toward Akira, as he joins the group. " I came to pick you up. Let's go ! " , intones Mom. Walking to the parked car, Akira simply tells Mom that he is sorry. " What for ? " Akira is silent, and gets into the car.
After a while, Akira nonchalantly states that it's okay. Soon, he will be a boy again and everything will be fine.
" Akira " , Mom interjects. " You didn't hear what the doctor said, right ? Your malady ......... CAN'T BE CURED ! No way, no how ! You will have to learn to live in that girl's body from now on !
Tears come to Akira's eyes, but he makes no sound, except to restate, " I'm sorry ! " Several past memories of his boy's life come to mind. The last image in his mind is Nana telling him that the girls will have nothing to do with him at all ! He again thinks to himself in abject horror of what may never be---
" No way . . . . . . . I mean, I'm a . . . . . . . . BOY . . . . . . . .'
( Chapter 1 of the MANGA version concludes. )
Chapter Lookback, Commentary, and Opinion
Although Akira, due to an idiosyncratic stroke of FATE, now has the body of an atomically correct girl, he still insists that he is a boy. Conversely, he was born with 'big eyes', just like a typical anime or manga girl. However, it is interesting to take note of three things that he has immediately consented to do that are so obviously feminine in nature---
>>>Akira consents to be shown and to learn the proper way for a girl to urinate, and clean herself afterward.
>>>Akira consents to wear the pretty girl's panties that his mother had bought for him the day that he was released from the hospital. He begins wearing them every day thereafter.
>>>Akira wanted to have his long hair cut, and this was done. However, he consented for it to be styled into that of a girl's pixie cut. Akiar seems to now accept that his hair is not his former boy's style of unkempt, disheveled, ragged, and spiky. His hair is now a beautiful, fine, soft and silky, shiny black hairstyle that is so like a typical girl's well cared for hair.
What Manga Fans Are Saying About This Chapter
Lock / 11 months ago
This [manga] is triggering to me. Growing pains is so relatable but I still want to see where this is heading.
ngkn92 / 11 months ago
[Bad] Karma comes quick. Nice.
Walter vi Britannia / 12 months ago
From his father's words at the end there, I don't think he [Dad] is willing to go through all that trouble for him [Akria]. And about changing schools, lets just wait and see. If the bullying gets too bad he might.
Sadako Miya / 1 year ago / 2 likes
This manga is one of my personal favorites. The expressive art style aides the unique/realistic take on the gender bender genre, and at the same time the story is very sweet & simple.
P.S: Don't get turned off by the first chapter because things do get a lot of better for Akira rather than the entire manga being about divine punishment.
Ricky Sengupta / 1 year ago
Abusive [conduct] doesn't really fit with kids.... Could've been rude or something, but well whatever, seems correct here.
______________________________
(Click on Chapter 2 to be taken to the next chapter.)
______________________________